She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I smell like Dick and happiness
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
