so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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