Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
