You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
