what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
