i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
