dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
