Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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