He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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