sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
