i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dick very happy bro
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
