i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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