I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
