I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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