Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
