I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
