fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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