You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
