Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
