Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
