we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
