There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
