to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
