This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
