If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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