sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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