somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
