separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can I color on your dick again?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
