dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
