see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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