She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
