I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
