I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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