I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
