I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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