As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
