the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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