ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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