Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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