is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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