I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
