He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
