who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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