and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
