Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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