omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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