I swear she didn't look like that last week.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
