Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
