your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
