go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Enjoy the penises
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
