i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize