well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
