he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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