I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My dick has a subreddit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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