i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
