got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
