Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
