so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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