This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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