Ambien. No doubt about it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
