watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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