and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
