Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
