if only i could text you this smell
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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