remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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