How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
