you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
