i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
