I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
