He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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