sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
