Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
