And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
