Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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