4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
