everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
