What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
